The Compensation Conundrum
What is it about money that makes it so attractive and so desirable? Is it the power or the prestige that it brings? Some examples of monetary/salary milestones I have heard of are:
The American Dream – Have a house, kids, backyard, etc. by age 30
Radiologist – $500,000 by age 37 when you join a private practice
Lawyer – $180,000 by age 25 when you graduate from law school and pass the bar exam
Investment banker – $250,000 (including bonuses) by age 25 when you become an associate
Partner – $400,000 by age 35 when you complete the fast-track to partner
Entrepreneur – Millionaire by age 35 and retire or pursue an entirely new dream
Dentist/Orthodontist – $200,000 by age 30 and work 3 days a week
First million dollars by age 30
These days, six figures aren’t even enough to make the cut. You have to make at least half a million or have some really great perks that come along with the “lower” salary. What is your dream? How much money will it take to satisfy it? How much will you have to sacrifice now? Will it all be worth it in the end?
Pet Peeves
1) People that don’t say what they really mean
2) White lies
3) Squeezing a toothpaste tube from the middle
4) Not following through with a commitment
5) Buzz cuts
6) Slobbery kisses
7) Having enemies (does this count?)
8) Someone constantly texting or checking their Blackberry
9) Overpromising and underdelivering
How to be content with oneself
- Find out what your strengths are and be proud of it.
- Find out what your weaknesses are and find ways to compensate for them.
- Optimism = attributing errors to external causes and focusing positives on internal causes. Depression = attributing errors to oneself and good fortune to external causes.
- Having work and leisure engaging one’s skills (a.k.a. “getting in the zone” or “flow”)
- Have a supportive network of close relationships
- In the end, people come to the point of integrity vs. despair. If you have integrity, you uphold consistent values and your are complete, undivided, and self-actualized.
- Most importantly, be proud of what you do.
“Four Horsemen of the Apocaplypse”
40-50% of all marriages end up in divorce, followed by a two year depression. What preventative measures can people take to remedy this?
For your present or future reference, below are four criteria to predict whether a married couple will divorce in 13-15 years. These criteria have been shown to have a 92% accuracy rate of predicting divorce.
1) Criticism of greater than 200 hours per year. Happy couples only have 16+ hours of criticism per year.
2) Stonewalling: suppressing emotion. When one partner shuts down an open conversation about a conflict they are having, this prevents emotional disclosure and also physically stresses out the other partner.
3) Contempt: condescending, derisive, hierarchical attitude; displayed by eye rolling and/or sneering
4) Defensiveness: if they take a shot at you, you fire back 4x as strong
These criteria are especially harmful early in a relationship.
Remedies for these behaviors: Ratio of 5 positive behaviors for 1 poor behavior
1) Humor: foil to direct criticism, which helps each other to calm down and discuss rationally. (ex. playful nicknames)
2) Disclosure:the counterpart to suppression, you should state your opinions and reveal your feelings
3) Gratitude: expressing thankfulness 1-2 times a week tends to boost happiness
Source: Gottman & Levenson Studies
