The meaning of life is proving you have lived
I believe that our short time here on Earth is to prove that we have existed at some point in time. Otherwise, it was pointless to have even been born if no one knew you lived, because then it would have been just as well that you weren’t born in the first place.
On the surface, it may seem that the meaning of life is to be happy. However, what is the underlying drive beneath happiness? How does one be “happy?” On the other hand, if you can prove that you existed, then it seems your life was justified. Your life actually mattered – to someone or something.
Ways to prove you have lived:
1) Pass on your genes (creation)
2) Change the life of someone else
a. Directly (generally results in greater happiness)
i. Build relationships that change the course of an(other) person/people
ii. Mentor other(s)
iii. Become a leader that can affect change;*
b. Indirectly
i. Create a charity foundation or an organization that affects other people
ii. Donate to a meaningful cause (time, money, or organs)*
iii. Lead a group toward a cause
3) Invent or create something new that can continue even after you cease to exist (i.e. business, intangible property, product, etc.)
* Keep in mind that passively donating to a non-profit can make you feel under-appreciated and unknown. Being unrecognized returns you to a downward cycle. No recognition –> no proof you existed –> unhappiness with life. Volunteering is in essence a manifestation of this desire to prove existence, but be careful not to get lost in the business and administrative work. Being a governmental leader can be extremely fulfilling if you can see your ideas being implemented and affecting the lives of others. However, it can also be very unrewarding if you start to go with the flow and your voice is never heard above the noise of lobbyists or self-interest groups.
Changing lives or creating life leads to fulfillment and in turn, happiness. That is what everyone should strive for. Everything else is basically a side-effect necessary to complete this core objective. In essence, this is why being a doctor is such a fulfilling profession. It may not be the money or the prestige, but the feeling that every day you are making a tangible difference in the world. You are helping to determine who can continue living and in turn having an effect on the world.
Some fulfilling professions:
1) Doctor
2) Teacher
3) Founder of a company or organization
4) Proud parent, loving spouse, and/or supportive friend
5) Fireman
6) Actor or music artist with a significant audience
7) Religious leader with a following
8) Author with large readership
9) Politician that affects change
10) Any other profession that directly allows you have impact (feel free to add more)
Basically, the greater the number of people you have affected or the deeper your impact, the higher your level of happiness. Thus, the closer you are to achieving the meaning of life. Notice that several of these professions are easily danger of having no meaning – usually when they are paired with no recognition or no appreciation.
Here is how a meaningful profession can change into one that seems pointless:
1) Doctor that prescribes antibiotics each time someone comes in with the flu
2) Teacher that has no appreciation
3) Founder of an organization that isn’t unique or one that doesn’t impact the world in a large way
4) Parent that their child(ren) take(s) for granted
5) Fireman that saves cats
6) Actor, musician, politician, or author that no one notices
If you feel your profession doesn’t feel that fulfililng, then it probably means that you need to find an alternative method outside of your full-time job to successfully attain the purpose of this game called life. Yes, I’m talking to you, investment bankers. Now I challenge you to prove you have existed. It’s your turn to show how much you mean.
Finding the right guy is like trying on new clothing
You have to find the right fit…and for people like me, that’s not an easy task. (Sorry, this post is more catered towards women.)
You walk into a department store or a mall, and there are clothes abounding, so many to choose from but you’re on a limited budget and you can only purchase one item. In another case, you walk into a mall and you don’t really see much that you like, but you really need a new shirt or a pair of pants — or maybe some of you just want to buy something for fun to satisfy your crave. Just like some people like to buy lots of clothing or go out with lots of guys. For some women, there are plenty of guys in the world but most of them have trouble finding the right one to commit to. Just like which outfit to buy — major dilemma.
For some lucky ones, it might be love at first sight. You see the cutest miniskirt from a mile away and you know that’s the article of clothing you must buy. You try it on, and voila, it’s a perfect fit. Your face is beaming as you walk out of the store as a satisfied customer. Although some have their doubts about love at first sight, it is probably spoken about for a reason. There are mostly likely a handful of women who are lucky enough to have experienced his. Could be those childhood relationships that end up in marriage or women who knew they were going to marry someone at first sight.
For others, you may see lots of pieces you like, but don’t know which one will suit your body type. Hence, you need to get one style in three different colors and three different sizes to run a full analysis in the fitting room. Two hours and twenty try-ons later, you come out with final decision on what you want, if you’re lucky. There’s also a possibility that even after trying on all those pieces, nothing was right for you. Maybe several clothes fit, but there’s just something a little wrong with each of them — whether it’s the price, the color, or the cut. No worries, you can always come back next time to see new stock for the season. Just like how some women have been searching and searching for the right one, but he just doesn’t seem to come along. Like clothing, the new season will bring a new line of clothing and more men to choose from. If you are patient, the perfect outfit will arrive. Either that, or you can just settle for a just-okay fit just like settling for a just-okay guy.
There’s also the group of women that like to buy lots of clothing, try it on at home, and if it later they find out it doesn’t fit, then they can always return it or donate it. Some women my choose to date a lot of guys only to find out he’s right or wrong for you afterward. That’s what breaking up is for.
Some women feel buying clothing is more about what others think of them rather than their own opinion about how they feel about the fit. Just like some women (not necessarily those same ones) could be match-made with a guy and make that relationship work if it makes other people happy. They really could care less.
And finally for some women, they really have no idea what they want to try on, even when they try see the perfect outfit staring right at them. In fact, they might not even like the “perfect outfit” at first sight. Sometimes it takes an extra push by a friend or external factor like a huge sale to make you bring it to the fitting room. This is like those women who have no diea who they want to date until there is a spark or another party takes the initiative. This is when they realize that compatibility has nothing to do with looks. The shirt looks limp and lifeless hanging on the rack, yet you reluctantly try it on. To your amazement, it makes youlook dazzling. You found the perfect fit, though it was something you would have never even considered trying on at first sight. Some women may never consider going out with a guy when they first meet him, but at first unbeknownst to them and due to unforseen circumstances, he may become the love of their life.
Concentrating on sex (whether you’re getting any or not) is correlated with breaking up
Not all sex is bad, but the more that a relationship revolves around sex, the higher the chances are that you will break up. The more that a relationship is centered around sex, the more that fundamental personality compatibility leaves the picture.
Sometimes people focus so much on the sex — whether you get any or not, whether it’s good or bad, what you do and what you don’t do — that sometimes they forget about whether their significant other is actually right for them or not. There could be several other problems looming in the air that get ignored because of the priority that sex receives over all else. There could be other issues or disagreements that need to be discussed or resolved before sex can create another factor to worry about and further complicate the relationship. You can only use sex to procrastinate on resolving those issues for so long until the breakup finally arrives. And when it does, you may not know how to deal with it.
Break-up sex and make-up sex…they are both ways of turning to the animalistic side of humans and avoiding talking things through by logic and rationale. People often have trouble expressing themselves, and sex provides an easy way to cop-out of tough conversations. Men often have trouble expressing themselves in the first place, not to mention some women as well. Hence, they turn to sex as the language of intimacy. According to a New York City psychotherapist, ” Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side.” However, sex is not a replacement for language — at least not for women. This disparity may contribute to misunderstanding in the relationship. Needless to say, this can only exacerbate a relationship leading up to breakup.
Sex clouds your judgment. If the sex is good, you could be forcing yourself to stay with a person even though he/she may not be compatible with you. You may have problems existing or ahead of you, but you ignore those issues in order to keep the sex. If the sex is bad, you might blame it on the other party’s lack of ability instead of trying to work together on trying to make it better. If anything is wrong with the sex, you find a reason to be unhappy with the relationship, and you might forget about other values that may be more important than sex. If sex is non-existent, it no longer plays a part in creating or resolving arguments, in obscuring your logical reasoning, or in burying other problems. If one party wants to break up if there’s no sex, then you know right away that it wasn’t you he/she was after, it was just the sex.
If you are one of those lucky couples that feel problem-free (now that you have had all of them resolved), then just maybe you feel you are ready to introduce the new variable of sex. Remember, there is no guarantee that sex will not cloud your judgment later on in the relationship when other issues arise. However, there is a guarantee that other issues will arise, and the best way to avoid concentrating too much on sex and having it cloud your judgment is to avoid the sex if you want to keep the relationship centered on what it should be — on the personality compatiblity of you and him/her.
What happens after marriage then? No sex even then? Well, hopefully you’ve found enough that you love about each other outside of the bedroom that even sex (good or bad) will not take over that love. Once you have gone long enough without sex, you would have more assurance about your compatiblity with each other minus the variable of sex. Compatiblity is often subjective, but ideally you would also have built up enough ammo of strong communication skills and mutual understanding to battle the take over of sex. This preparation would most likely take longer than six months, and it may even take years. There is no set time period for this ammo to be built up, as every relationship is different. Some may be average, and others may be a few standard deviations above or below the mean. However, once you are ready to introduce sex, keep in mind it may also introduce a whole new slew of issues, and you must be confident that your compatibility outside of sex can overcome that, or else breakup is imminent.
Sometimes people don’t realize that even good sex can turn bad later down in a relationship. People get old; people lose their libidos. What happens then — do you breakup? get a divorce? take medication? or get some counseling to work on it? Granted for some people, the sex is always great, but for others, they aren’t so lucky. We all hope for the best that the sex will always stay amazing, but often in reality, we don’t always get what we want. When couples get are old and gray, perhaps sex is not what will be keeping them together, but the attachment and understanding they have developed for each other outside of their sex lives. You should vow to stay by each other’s side in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times sex and the bad.
May you have a healthy and happy relationship. No pressure.
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Tired
I’m so tired. I’m tired of worrying, of planning, of competition, of satisfying the parents. I’m tired of procrastinating. I’m tired of making conversation. I’m tired of avoiding one friend to keep another. I’m so tired.
I’m tired of uncertainty and the anxiety it causes. I’m tired of building a safety net. I’m tired of change. I’m just tired.
I’m tired of disappointments. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of trying so hard and not getting so far. I’m tired of playing the game and losing. I’m tired.
Why nice guys finish last
Jerks always get the girls, while the nice guys lose out. Why?
Well, I have a theory. Girls like the challenge of bringing out the smallest nugget of a good heart in that so called “jerk.” Perhaps the glory of being able to conquer and tame that douche bag is what they are seeking. The best analogy I could come up with is that for women, turning a jerk into a nice guy is like taking away his virginity. He doesn’t necessarily have to be completely transformed into a nice guy though. All that matters at first is that he is gentle and loving toward that one girl(friend). That way, she gets all his attention while he turns away all other girls by being his typical jerk self.
Girls don’t necessarily fall for full out jerks. They fall for the jerk with a pinch of niceness on the inside, ready to be released by the girl of his dreams. She’s the only one who can unlock his true loving and caring heart. With this special ability, a girl feels as if she is making a difference in the life of that jerk. She feels as if she is giving back to the community and making the world a better place, by transforming the beast into a friendly pet animal, one step at a time.
Nice guys are left behind. With no challenge to be fought, a girl feels as if her own good heart isn’t being put to good use. What’s more, according to a theory popularized by Wong Fu Productions, it’s harder for a nice guy to give special treatment to a girl he truly likes, because he’s already nice to all the girls he meets. How is the girl supposed to know she’s different? A jerk on the other hand, only has to reveal his inner goodness to show a girl that she’s special, for she’s the only one who can change him for the better. Nice guys, where’s your ammo to compete?
A boyfriend is like a best friend
Keeping with the theme of analogies: a boyfriend is like a best friend. Doesn’t this sound like some timeless adage that you’ve heard before? “Your boyfriend should be like your best friend,” they say. This probably explains why a lot of people start out as friends first before becoming a couple.
There are several reasons why a boyfriend is like a best friend. The first reason often seen in those “Dear Abby” advice columns is that sometimes girls will ditch their own best friends for their new found boyfriend. Additionally, you two spend all your spare time together, you finish each others’ sentences, you can practically read each others’ minds, and you care a lot for each other. Whenever you are having a bad moment, you can rely on the best/boyfriend to cheer you up. Basically, you’re “inseparable.” The best/boyfriend is always there for you whenever you need him, and hopefully you trust each other. You share memorable moments together and have deep personal talks. You probably make sacrifices for each other and do favors without asking anything in return. Sounds pretty much like a best friend, right?
The part when the analogy breaks down is that you can say “BFF” or “Best Friends Forever,” but there’s no such thing a as a boyfriend forever. It’s funny how the once inseparable boyfriend who resembled a best friend can all of a sudden vanish into thin air within seconds as if nothing was there to begin with. Funny is probably not the best word to use — maybe interesting would be better, but funny seems to lighten up the mood. If the relationship somehow doesn’t work out, the once boy/best friend is no longer there to hug you, to dry your tears, or to tell you everything will be okay. You’re all on your own unless you have a real best friend. Someone who is really there for you through thick and thin Forever.
After all, a boyfriend is only like a best friend, not actually a best friend, and the analogy stops there. Generally, boyfriends can be replaced, whether it’s in days or years. Best friends I’ve heard can last a lifetime, hence BFF. Boyfriends may stick around for a few weeks to a few years, but best friends never leave you (figuratively). In the long run, separate love from friendship and you can cover your back. Mix the two, and you leave yourself more vulnerable to pain and loneliness.
It seems like in our society, there’s only HF (Husband Forever) or nothing. But wait, even then, make sure you have the insurance of a best friend in case the big bad Divorce comes your way. However, assuming there were no harsh feelings or offenses that caused the break up, why can’t a boyfriend always be a friend, although not necessarily always a boyfriend? How hard are you willing to fight to keep your once best/boyfriend a friend? And even if you are willing to, would he let you? Would society let you? Would society let him let you?
To all of you out there who have best friends, cherish them. To all of you who are best friends, know that you are irreplaceable.
How do you measure a year?
Now that 2008 will be over in a few hours here on the West Coast, it feels appropriate to reflect on how “good” this past year was. As we look back on 2008, many might say that this year was a “bad” year because of the financial crisis. Several jobs were lost, investment accounts dwindled, real estate dropped, savings disappeared, and century-old multinational firms went bankrupt. Many people would gladly wish to forget this year ever happened due to these unfortunate events.
However, I feel otherwise. To me, this year was unforgettable, because I choose to measure my year with love. This year has brought me so many new friends and memories that I would consider it one of the most life-changing years of my life. I was able to see my uncle in Las Vegas, my cousins in Canada, meet new people in Chicago, go on a case competition in Texas, visit my friends in New York, and cruise with my family to Mexico. I also went rock-climbing, white-water rafting, and karaokeing. Not to mention that over this past summer and my last semester at Berkeley, I have made friends that I will remember for a long time to come. To me, this year was a chance to explore and experience life in a whole new way. Each year is really what you make of it, and this one was special in its own way.
Measure your year in love. Happy New Year, everyone!
Achilles’ Heel
Want to know my Achilles’ heel? Maybe someday it’ll come in handy.
Graded participation. The bain bane of my existence. (haha, accidentally typed Bain because that’s my all time dream job. Just one extra little tidbit for you) I probably should have thought of that before I decided to major in Business – the one major where participation matters. Then again, I always like a challenge, and I always tend to get myself into areas that I’m weak in.
Why I get so anxious about participation, who knows. I have my theories, of course, but every single time I want to raise my hand to say something, my mind just blanks out. Sometimes the GSI (Graduate Student Instructor) will ask a question and I will have absolutely no thoughts come across me. It’s like a white sheet of paper…or a monk in deep zen meditation..like writer’s block except this is more like speech block. What’s worse is that I’m not even day dreaming or counting down the minutes until the end of class. I’m just sitting there with a mind numb. This tends to happen more often in those classes where participation matters the most (as in it’ll make or break your grade because the class is that competitive). Somehow the idea of “graded participation” really turns me off, and I just want to disobey for the heck of it. Yea, I’m such a rebel aren’t I.
Other times, what starts happening is I overthink every single detail. Say the GSI has a grading policy where you get 2 points for coming to class, 3 points for saying anything, 4 points for saying something good, and 5 points for saying something mind blowing. Well, every time I hear someone say something, I start evaluating how many points he/she should get for that comment, instead of thinking about the topic at hand or how I can respond to it. What fascinates me more is how a teacher can put a number on someone else’s contribution to the group. As far as I’m concerned, anytime a student says something, I consider it a valued comment. In fact, I admire the student for even having the courage to put up his/her hand and talk. I just can’t figure out how a GSI can go around and assign points to everyone based on a discussion section an hour and a half ago. How inaccurate and subjective would that be? Although if I never say a word, that’s an automatic 2 points right there, but what if the GSI mistook I for the person sitting next to me and accidentally assigned me points instead? Wouldn’t that be an unfair distribution? How lucky can I get by “stealing” the points from my next door neighbor? Well, as I ruminate about all these thoughts, the hour and a half sneaks past me and before I know it, class is over.
Potential reasons for these unfortunate thoughts~ (1) Procrastination. The truth is I’m deathly afraid of speaking up for fear of being judged as saying something stupid, so I’m just buying time by keeping my mind occupied. (2) I have some sort of atypical autistic disorder where I can’t focus on the social interactions at hand and my mind wanders off into thinking the thoughts of others (3) I think that some of the questions are so obvious and redundant that I can’t be bothered to answer. A rather arrogant perspective, I’d say. (4) Others have already made really good points, and I don’t feel like I could top what they said or have anything to add. (5) Self-Enhancement Theory (at least I think that’s what it’s called). I’m afraid of failure, so I create an excuse. Therefore, if I received a poor participation grade, it wasn’t because I was deemed to produce dumb or unworthy contributions, but rather because an extrinsic factor caused me not to participate at all.
Funny that I have so much to say about this now that I will never have a chance to “participate” in the traditional sense ever again. But no worries, there’s always the “real world” test.
One thing to keep in mind, “You’ll miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” If I happen to remember that, it just might be the antidote to my Achilles’ heel.
